will camp be nice??

it's monday today, i'm already worrying about wednesday's camp!!! lol!!! freaking afraid here, not to mention i'm gonna be taking a strangers car there...i've never seven seen the guy's face, but no choice, i choose to trust him since he's a christian..well, no choice~

i'm worried if camp will be nice or if i will fit in?...i never did fit in really good anywhere..i'm kinda like the emo freak, people get scared by me on first sight, and they wouldn't even get to know me before avoiding me..people are mean..gosh..i'm scared now, i've gotta fake a friendly smile when i reach there!!!! i can't let myself get scared, i won't allow it...no one's going to comfort me now..not my mom..not her...i can only rely on myself, it's always been like that...the emo freak has to rely on her independance...

once again, calvin has confessed to me..eventually, he broke up with his girlfriend because he saw his girlfriend kissing another guy, well, sucks for him..he asked me to be his pretend girlfriend...well, it's pretend...i said yes and he asked for a kiss....i was like...what the fuck?!

is he serious????aparently yes....freaked me out, i called off the deal, an he said no more kiss..as long as wecan find a way to have evenge on his ex....well, that was freaky...

that's it for now, see you guys next time~

never thought this would happen

i never thought that a day would come that i would say "the person i hate mot in the world is my mom" I'm not surprise though....

story starts like this...

me and my brother are just playing, he went into my room and i blocked it with only one finger he used a great force, so when i let go of the finger, the door banged really loudly...and my mom went berserk....now she won't talk to us...she made me cut myself....i cut myself!!!
I CUT MYSELF!!!!!with my compass!!!!! i'm utterly stupid!!!
i promise myself, i would never again cut myself for her!!! that woman pushed my brother!!!
i swear that if she ever hurt my family again!!!i will fight her...and i'm not joking bout that!!I'm not...serious face here....hello?!

not gonna say so much about it anymore, i've learn to ignore all the things she's trying to do to hurt me...i have turned my heart to stone, i will not let anyone hurt me anymore...

I WANNA BE A WARRIOR-TO PROTECT MYSELF AND THE PEOPLE I LOVE AND CARE ABOUT AROUND ME...AND IF BETRAYAL IS YOUR CHOICE TOWARDS ME, IT'S PAYBACK BABY~~