leave me

i don't want to hear a single soul tell me they would never leave me when they don't mean it at all.... all i knew my whole life is that those are all lies... you don't mean it! none of you meant it..

when you promised me you would never leave me, what were you thinking?  yeah, the original Letitia Liew Hew Yan is a great disappointment to everyone.  why are you even talking to me anyway?  amusement? or just someone to kill time for you? what am i to you anyway? NOT WORTH IT! 

i've had people coming in and out into my life, i don't want you to be one of them too..you mean a lot to me, and now you're gone...you may say you're not, but i know the truth..everything's gone,whatever we used to share is gone since the text...and it's not coming back again is it? it's not..is it? tell me would ya?

i used to think this could last longer, but it couldn't...you were like him, when i decided to tell, everything ended there :( it's nothing special between us..not like him..but even as a friend you told me you would never leave me, but you still did..yeah..

to M, every morning you have to ruin everything, but still i promised someone i would take care of myself, even though the person is gone, the promise lives, i would take care of myself...i'm not gonna let you ruin it again, i've been living under fear for far too long i guess..

announcement

i'm gonna get a part time job for this holiday :/ OOPS...someone's not gonna like this idea i guess...LOL just text me if you need to know more :(

Chip :)

aww Chip, people like you more than they like me~ but it's okay, you deserved it..after all you're just darn cute! :) here's my lap again...have a nice nap :) and this time please don't poop on me :)hahah just kidding  xDD

hey guys!! so recently i got a new guinea pig!! WOOTS!!! newest addition to the family and my whole family wants to cook you up :/ hmm...if they do i'll probably make them into human pie...haha don't be afraid lil guy! haha well, you seem colourful enough that everyone loves you~ hahaha and now you're asleep again....on my lap.... like a giant puffball....HAH!! 

last night, he enjoyed his first apple~ awwwhh..and he couldn't finish it today, but he'll want it~ it's easy to feed you lil guy..but please eat something when i'm NOT feeding you...AAHH!!!! CHIP IS JUST SO DARN CUTE!!! :)) love you Chip! i promie i won't make the same mistake :)

#3moredays

#3moredays baby! and you're coming home!!! stupid trials..who puts science and history on the same day?! idiots! LOL! 

well, basically, i've never been more disappointed of myself ever....after what i saw today, i'm the most idiotic one you'll ever know X(  sometimes when things change, and you lose Your way, just remember there's always one person behind the back of your mind..call out to Him and He will be there....#ForeverAndAlways

still can't think of a name for you!! URGH! cookie? your colours remind me of cookies! and no i am not naming you Thunder...D, please stop talking bout thunder cookies cause i ain't naming him/her thunder....

ahh, every morning, waking up to a nice hot bath, but then fantasies don't last long... every time i come out of the bath i face the same thing over and over again every single morning...why??? is it something i did? did i do anything at all that makes you hate me so freakin badly? DID I?!  please! i've had enough of this drama! and why do you suspect everything of me?! my friends are as good as ever, they never once make me feel like my life's in a threat! but well, i guess no matter what i do, it'll never be enough to satisfy you... NEVER! 7As in UPSR? hah! didn't mean anything comparing to D's 3As 3Bs and 1D

distinction acheivement in form 2 for english? hah! nothing comparing to D's 50% on his exams... 

beating all the guys in class during english class on a debate competition?? winning in one try, till the whole class literally declared i was number 1..pssshhh, nothing compared to D's bball skills... i'm nothing, yeah i get it now..

why do i care so much bout what you think of me? i don't really...just curious what DAHECK i ever did to you to make you hate me so badly :(

#3moredays and i will have my company back....Jesus has always had my back right? so why do i care? #3moredays and i finally get someone to love in this place! 

teehee

COUNTDOWN!!

#4moredays

4 more days and trial exams will end, the second my trials end! i will be free at last!!! FREE AT LAST!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! haha, LOLS! ahahaa!! but until then something amazing will be happening!!

*AHEM* welcoming a new addition to the family!!!! thinking of the name though :) 

haahaha!!! well, to be honest, i don't really know why i'm having him/her.. maybe it's because i really needed a physical thing beside me i guess...something that comforts me when i need it to... like how you guys did :) well, i've only seen you once, but by this Friday, welcome to your new home! hahaha!! said it earlier and making it more of a big deal on Friday itself! 

back to this morning.....do you have to make everything seem bad for the day? lucky! AWESOME MEE HERE AIN'T FALLING DOWN SO EASILY! i've had enough to put up with for the day i'm freakin sickand tired and sick and tired! so i would really like it if you would just shut up for one freaking day! it's bad enough i have to put u with you everyday....GAH! what am i talking bout?! no one cares anyways!

BLEKK!!! and you! you better take your money back on Sunday or i'll never get in your car again xD LOL haha JK depends...but srsly, take your money back - -

okie!! maths trials today!! OHHMIIGOOOSSSHHH!!! never been so happy my whole life...i actually knew how to answer the questions!! thank God for helping me focus on my studies when i need to xD 

srsly all glory to God for that :) 

heard an awesome song! can't stop now!! WOOTSS!!! underrated band :(

and KC, you really sot jor.....

okays back to the point!! COUNTDOWN STARTS TODAY !!!! FRIDAY HERE I COME!!! 

TEEHEE

thank you :)

all that you've done for me...thanks bro :) everything you did, and what you told me today will never be forgotten...if you cried for me, then Jesus is doing the same thing more...2000 years ago, someone died on the cross thinking of me...of the hurts and the scars and the sins... when i chose to lay everything down unto You, Father, you gave me hope, and now losing it just ain't a good idea...

here's my heart Oh Jesus, it's not much but it's everything i got;..

SHUT UP!

if i was anything like you, this family would be in a bigger jeopardy than it is right now.... i may look like you, but i am NOTHING like you...what do you want from me? you already got my life, what else? because of you, i tried to isolate myself from my friends and be emo just so i don't have to rely on anyone... and guess what? still doing da same here woman! make up your mind! daheck do you want from me?!  you can go pour your overflowing love over your precious son for all i care..i don't need you..you even got him to be on your side...if D hadn't learn anything from me..then i really don't know what everything's gonna turn out like... and dang i can't speak at all! AT ALL!!! hurts whenever i try! dang! btw, announcement time!!

I'VE DONE SOMETHING....

ahh..where to start? hmm, okay...i was stupid and i let history repeat itself... to be honest i regretted it.. and i ain't proud that i did it either.. 

DANG!!! now people think i'm an emo person LOL! that ain't fun at all! where was the Letty that used to see things so clearly? the Letty that saw everything as it is..and the Letty who accepted everything with a punishment?? well, *speaker* SHE'S MURDERED AND DEAD! 

she's dead.... reality killed her, this family killed her..death killed her... and everything else in this world that got to her has a part of this... she still loves all of you though :) she cherishes all of your worries for her (and deeply regretting for making any of you worry) she left words for everyone too :')

things she's been keeping and wanted to tell everyone 

Tiffy, thanks for being my laughter, you're cheekiness has got to me and yes it's spreading like a virus :) love ya Tiffy, forever and always <3 font="font">

Jas, you're always there to listen and shut up bout it when i needed someone to shut up and listen to all my whining..and yes it annoys you, but still thank you <3 font="font">

Faiths, you guys are just awesome people, being friends with you guys have also been one of the best memories ever <3 font="font">

Jo-jo, we haven't been getting along that well till recently, but even then, thank you for being supportive and tried to cheer me up

youth leaders, thanks guys, love you guys just LOTS! for the past 3 years i learned a lot from you guys and i will always remember to trust God, but i might need some boost and a place to stay sometimes :P haha but still thanks 

:) love ya guys <3 font="font">

Bry, you....are just way awesome! haha, best big bro i've ever had i guess :) and weird that i'm being cheesy..LOL.. thanks for listening and giving your best effort to help me..and all those times i did something..err, yeah thanks :) i appreciated it and understand no matter how much i shoo you away i will fail, i get that now...you ketua pengawas have a weird way of persuading people to stay :)

Jing Jing, Kitty Kat, YUKI, we've been through a lot together haven't we? but i gotta say once we change, we'll never be the same again..hope you guys understand..and that one thing is all of us has changed..but still i guess that we're still together all thanks to God \, having you guys around really brought me great comfort..

Kitty Kat, i said something really awful to you the other day, i'm really sorry , and if you don't know what it is i quote " i'm strong enough to take care of myself, i don't need your pity" i know it hurts ya, so sorry bout that, you have been a great comfort in times of trouble and sorry for calling you kitty kat infront of your parents...but i will continue to call you kitty kat till i find a better name to tease you xD

Keegan, you..great alpha! and you respected what i couldn't share to you..thanks so much..great support! and i really need help :p

sis Siew Chin, figured you read my blog the other day, so mentioning your name here's probably a great idea, and btw, you and Bry stalked my blog the other day! LOL haha but it IS a blog anyway, thank you for the weirdly late birthday wish :) but seriously, thank you for being a motherly figure to me :) my family probs and all, everyone i mentioned here are like my family..so thank you sis Siew Chin for being the "mommy"! haha xD

AWFUL :(

OHIO!! and again, i came to a conclusion that no matter how hard you try to push away the people who actually care, it's just darn useless cause they won't budge..Bry, you've proven me wrong..once again...shoo-in you away ain't working..YES I GET THAT NOW! LOL!! haha, right....

everything that happened for the past week...i can say i've had enough of it - - what happened at home... trial exams, and dang i'm sick now! i got the flu again!!! NNOOOO!!!! can't breathe!! urgh! DDAAAYUUMM!!! my throat!!! DARN IT~!!! feeling awful....it feels like a ton of weight dropping on my shoulders at the same time :( ain't happy bout it!! dang this!! URGH!

and btw, if you want me dead so badly you can always kick me out and lemme starve, but take this, God will open a way... and he's your son for goodness sake! you hate me that much i can get it! but cummon! treat your son how deserved to be treated! after what happened...David Liew, i'm proud of ya :) but please don't take the risk again, it tore my heart apart when i heard what you say..but i'm happy and i'm proud of you :) jie is really proud of you bro :) 

cheesy words coming from my mouth ..WOAH...EWWW...but really...at least what i did didn't go to waste =DD BWUAHAHAH!!! well, now, i'm probably half dead...since you don't really care..you can leave me like this! because i've had enough to take with you! i can't take this anymore!  can't believe i did what i never to let history repeat itself..but NO! because of you, i broke my record! i broke my record and let history repeat itself! you'd think a girl would learn after her first or second experience, but still... the scars you left are too deep to forget... never ever gonna forget what you did...never....forgiveness, lemme try... you say you want forgiveness from us, but you are doing everything i can't forget...i can't forget! I JUST CAN'T!!!!!! 

i'll do everything to protect my brother..i will! i swear! 

i'm sorry everyone, i've failed you

yoyo guys!!been a long time since i crawled up here to update the blog, been busy lately :/ sorry guys! anyways the reason i'm here today is to make an announcement.

I'M SORRY GUYS, I'VE FAILED YOU. 

i'm really sorry guys, i don't deserve your care. i'm really sorry. i haven't been able to think clearly for the past couple of days..i'll continue to trust God that he'll provide a solution for all my problems. but for what i did and what i'm gonna do..i'm so sorry guys, i haven't been able to think straight and clearly for a solution. but i know all these have to come to an end, and dear Bry, thanks for being there for me when i desperately needed someone there...but everything's changing now, since yesterday, everything's gotta change, i finally understand that now. don't waste your time on me, because i don't deserve this, there are other people out there who needs your care more than i do..they might need it for 100% and having their cases even more badly than mine...they need you more, i guess we'll just be friends then :) you don't have to care anymore..none of you have to care anymore...because everything is over...i'm done, i can't take this anymore...i know i've said it before and in the end i always turn out fine. and this time it will be the same...i'll be fine, so none of you have to worry bout me anymore...i'll stand strong like how i always have. i'll make sure i'm fine and maybe when you see me in the streets, you can pretend you don't know me...break ties with me or whatever if you want, but i can't take this any longer. i've failed.. and this time what she did, and what i've seen in my house last night, i can say i'm half joyed but also in the same time i feel so much like killing myself.... just ending this life...but it's not my life to end....